


Like Red Pearls On A Chain

by Miss__Red



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety Attacks, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Peter Parker, Soft Wade Wilson, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:41:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28392558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss__Red/pseuds/Miss__Red
Summary: “Peter.”Wade’s voice was quiet. He didn’t sound angry or mad, rather resigned and there was also something kinda vulnerable in it. Peter, who felt addressed by his name being called, let his arms sink down and slowly turned around, eyes fixed on the ground.Peter is struggling with Depression and Wade is the caring and supportive boyfriend he is.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Self Harm (cutting), Suicidal Thoughts

With a “See ya later baby boy!” Wade said goodbye and Peter could hear the door of their little flat fall shut. When Wade told him fifteen minutes ago he would be out for a bit to get groceries, Peter had just stared blankly back at him, like he wouldn’t even see him.

He didn’t care.

Peter pulled the blanket higher around his body and turned from the right to his left side, now facing the wall. The only light came through the slight slit in the dark blue curtains, throwing a thin ray of light across the floor. 

Otherwise, the room was completely dark.

He didn’t care about that, too.

Neither did the fact that it was already afternoon and he had yet to leave his bed, not to mention eating something. Peter couldn’t get up, but that was okay, he wasn’t hungry anyway. Simply the thought of going out, seeing people and pretending everything was fine caused his whole body to shake uncontrollable and goosebumps crawled up his back. He hated socialising. The only exception was when he went to see his therapist twice a week, but otherwise Peter stayed in the flat, preferably in their bed.

Even if Wade picked up on some of his weird behaviour the last few days, he didn’t say anything. Wade wasn’t much of a talker either. He did however, show his affection in other ways. Like, for example, getting groceries and making sure Peter ate something at least once a day. And Peter really was grateful, that Wade was there, even if he wasn’t always able to vocalise it. His life was still a mess, but it got a bit brighter since Wade was in it. At least now he had a reason that was worth it to stay for...

Other thoughts slowly rose through the fog in his head, flashback of an even darker time in his past. He remembered places, people, their faces talking to him in one big, combined blur of voices, which made it impossible to concentrate on one.

For a little while, Peter just laid there, immobilised by the light anxiety attack that overcame him, doing nothing but waiting for it to be over. He lost every track of time. It could have been minutes as well as hours since Wade had left. Peter gathered all the strength he could, pushed the blanket aside and scooted slowly over to the end of the bed. Then he just sat there for a couple moments, concentrating on his breathing, like his therapist had showed him.

In and out. Hold.

Repeat.

In again, out, hold.

With a last deep breath in Peter stood up. His motions lacked enthusiasm, motivation. Like on autopilot, he made his way to the en-suite bathroom, in tiny little steps, his feet barely leaving the floor. Peter shortly contemplated whether he should keep out the light, but since the room behind him was dark to, he decided to turn on the small light over the mirror.

There, in the top drawer of the cabinet under the sink, hidden behind some neatly folded towels, was a little box. From the outside it looked quite ordinary, nothing spectacular, quite the opposite of its meaningful content. When Peter lifted the lid, something white flashed up.

The silver of a razor blade.

Carefully, he took one out and putting the box back on its place, hoping that Wade wouldn’t find it anytime soon. The thought of Wade caused his hand to hover in the air for a moment, contemplating what he was about to do.

‘Screw it,’ he thought and pressed the sharp piece of metal down on his forearm.

A little sigh of relief escaped past his lips, as he dragged the blade over the soft, pale skin, leaving a fine red line. It was like he was drowning all the time, getting pressed down by waves over and over again and now, for the first time, he was able to get his head over the surface and take a deep breath.

Slowly, like red pearls on a chain, little blood beads built along the line he has drawn. Almost instantly the pain did its job, took away the dark thoughts in his head, made them not completely gone, but at least dulled them a little. Peter was careful to hold the cuts on the surface; they were only for distraction purposes. If he really wanted to hurt himself, he chose his thighs or hips. Easier to hide than cuts on the arms...

Peter changed the blade from his left to the right hand and was just about to set the third cut on his other forearm, when a voice coming from the door caused him to stop.

“Peter.”

Wade’s voice was quiet. He didn’t sound angry or mad, rather resigned and there was also something kinda vulnerable in it. Peter, who felt addressed by his name being called, let his arms sink down and slowly turned around, eyes fixed on the ground. He hadn’t heard the door indicating his boyfriend was back or he would’ve stopped earlier.

With two large steps Wade has crossed the small bathroom and was by his side, took the blood-stained blade and threw it into the sink. The sound of metal hitting the ceramic sink echoed unnaturally loud in Peter’s ears.

Wade fetched two towels and wound them around the forearms for the younger boy, who just stood there and let procedure go over him, still looking at the ground, avoiding eye contact. He had to focus on his breathing again, to not flinch away from the touch, even if was what so gentle.

Wade’s motions were too smooth, too routinely.

It wasn’t the first time he found Peter in a situation like this and some of them were way worse. Even though he knew Peter wouldn’t be able to stop from one moment to the other, just because he asked him to, it nearly broke his heard almost every time to find his boyfriend in a state like this.

Carefully, the older man brought Peter back to their bed and made sure the blood flow stopped before he tucked him in. 

Neither of them said a word; not that this was something new for Peter. He hadn’t talked much during the last couple days and Wade was the last person who’d force him to.

Wade sighed as he stroked lightly over the boy’s cheek. He really had hoped that Peter had been doing better after the last therapy session but perhaps he was just a damn good actor. The Merc was just about to leave the room, to put the bloody towels in the laundry and make some dinner for himself -and Peter, if he felt like eating- when he heard his name being called behind him and turned around.

“Wade?” Peter’s voice was a little hoarse and shaken, as he dragged himself upon his elbows.

“Are you going to leave me?” There was an anxious tone swinging with it. Wade stepped back to the bedside and put a light kiss on Peter’s forehead.

“Never,” he replied and truly meant it.


	2. Chapter Two

The only thing that was difficult was convincing Peter to believe it.

It would take lots patience and even more time until Peter would be convinced that Wade would always be there for him. No matter what Petey’s mind might told him, he really loved the boy ever since he first stumbled into his life in a grocery store aisle.

Literally.

Wade sighed and got a bowl and pancake ingredients to start making the batter. In Wade’s opinion, there was nothing better for the soul than pancakes with original Canadian maple syrup, none of that over-sugared fake stuff they sold here in the States.

He cheerfully hummed the _Teletubby_ theme song, while the radio played quietly in the corner. He was just about to get the seventh Pancake out of the pan and onto the plate to the others when he heard the kitchen door and turned around.

In the doorframe stood Peter, the hallway behind him was dark and he had wrapped his cosy blanket tightly around his small body.

“Oh hey, happy you’re joining me,” Wade said and turned to the stove again to hide a smile. He didn’t want to scare Peter away by making him feeling hassled when he decided to leave his bed.

Peter shuffled to one of the bar stools standing on the kitchen island, drew up his knees and slung his arms around them.

“Don’t wanna be alone,” he mumbled quietly.

Wade gave him a soft look and asked, “Wanna have a pancake?”

To his big surprise and even bigger joy Peter nodded and freed his hands from the blanket burrito he had put himself in.

“Here you go, baby boy.” Wade placed a plate with two pancakes and the syrup on the island counter in front him along with cutlery.

Peter eyed the food for a moment, then grabbed the fork and started eating with slow, little bites.

For a couple moments there’s was a comfortable silence in the kitchen, the only sounds came from the oil frizzling in the pan and the song playing from the radio while it grew darker outside by the minute.

Halfway through the second pancake, Peter set his fork aside, took a sip of water from the glass Wade had brought him and cleared his throat.

“Hey, Wade?”

“What’s it, Petey?”

Wade turned off the stove, grabbed a plate with pancakes himself and basically drowned them in maple syrup before he leaned against the kitchen counter, facing Peter to show that he had his attention.

“Uhm... I was thinking about....” Peter looked down and started fiddling with his blanket, words tumbling so fast out of his mouth that Wade almost couldn’t follow them.

“Perhaps you would, uhm, do a couple session with me? I talked with my therapist about it and she thinks it’d be a good thing for you to understand why I do...certain... things...” Peter trailed off, still not looking up.

Wade’s face showed surprise, but not with distaste. He knew how much strength it must’ve cost for Peter to ask him this question.

He swallowed his last bite and put the plate back down on the counter behind him. Then he cautiously walked up to Peter like he was approaching a scared animal.

“Yeah sure, of course. I’d like that very much,” he said and took Peter’s thin, cold hands, which were still fiddling with the blanket, in his own warm, big ones.

“Just let me know when you’re ready. Tell me a date and I’ll be there.” Wade tried to put as much assurance as possible in his sentence, to let Peter know that he really meant it. He couldn’t help a soft smile, while his fingers started to move in little circles on the boy’s palms, which already were getting warmer the longer he held them.

Finally, Peter raised his head and looked Wade in the eyes, his lips stretching into a relieved smile. Even though it was just a couple seconds before his look darted away again, those few moments of eye contact were enough for Wade to see the thankful and, more importantly, loving look in the younger’s eyes. He knew Peter struggled with things that were normal for other people, as simple as keeping eye contact, so he filed it a great win every time it happened.

“May I have your permission to hug you?” Wade asked, only half-jokingly.

Lately, Peter had been really sensitive regarding touch and avoided is whenever he could. Wade always made sure to get the boy’s consent before he did anything in that direction. The last thing he wanted to do was make his baby boy even more uncomfortable than he was anyway.

But Peter nodded, still with a big smile on his face, and buried his face in the crook of Wade’s neck when the older one slung his arms around him. The couple stayed in that position for a few moments; Peter sitting on the bar stool with his blanket half hanging to the floor and Wade standing in front of him, holding Peter in a tight hug.

Completely content to just exist in each other’s space.

After a while, Peter moved his head to Wade’s shoulder, but showed no intention to end the hug.

“I love you,” he whispered against Wade’s neck, but Wade heard him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great day/evening/night -whenever You're reading this ^^
> 
> Hope You enjoy and as always feel free to comment...


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade coming home from their first couple session...

“Well, that was...” Wade stopped, searching for the right word, “informative,” he settled on.

They were walking back home from the therapist’s office after their first couple’s therapy session, their breaths causing little clouds from the cold. Peter continued to cast quick side looks to Wade, but didn’t say anything and again avoided eye contact.

The session itself went rather well, it was mainly Peter who talked, encouraged now and then from his therapist, about basically everything. About his past, about how loosing first his parents and then Uncle Ben had lead to commitment issues. About how he slipped even deeper into depression when he lost Aunt May to cancer. How his life got more bearable and gained stability when he met Wade and how much he meant to him. How he was still always afraid that Wade would leave him one day, too, even though he logically knew that Wade loved him.

Wade just listened and when Peter came to an end, he asked again if he was allowed to hug him. Then he assured him once again, that he had no intention to leave him and they talked a bit about how he could support Peter in his daily life. At the end of the session, the therapist encouraged them to communicate as much and as open as possible and celebrate even small steps. She also told them they’re welcome to always book another session if they want, because it was definitively going to be a long way to go.

Now, Peter felt a bit lighter. Of course Wade already knew a few things about him, they have been a couple for almost one year now at last, but that was all rather shallow.

Telling his boyfriend all those things, explaining why he was who he was, made things hopefully easier now.

“Yeah, it definitely was,” he finally said in a small voice after Wade fell silent, looking at his shoes as they walked along the pavement.

“It was very helpful for me. Thank you for telling me all that stuff.”

Peter reached for Wade’s hand and held it tight, while they continued walking.

“Thank you for coming with me and not giving me up.”

Wade pressed Peter’s hand quickly and then angled with the other hand after his keys to open the door of the apartment building, without letting his boyfriend’s hand go.

They walked up the stairs to their flat, greeted Mrs Rodriguez from third floor on their way and finally reached their door.

Before Wade could put the key into the keyhole, Peter made an impulsive decision. In a quick movement he stood up on his tiptoes and gave Wade a kiss.

Wade was taken aback by that for a second; it had indeed been a while since Peter had initiated something like that, but when he realised what happened, a wide smile spread on his face. Hesitantly at first, but then more encouraged, Peter smiled back, still holding Wade’s hand, who has managed to open the door by then.

“After you,” he said with a gesture and let Peter past him entering the flat, closing the door behind them, still smiling.

Peter kicked the shoes from his feet and made a beeline for the couch. As much as he had enjoyed the session and as relieved as he was he finally shared that part of his life with Wade, therapy was always a bit exhausting for him.

Wade walked up behind the sofa, holding a bunch of clothes in his hands, handing them to Peter.

“I thought you might wanna change into something more comfortable. What do think about me making us hot chocolate and then we watch a movie together?” he asked, while Peter tore off his jeans and put on joggers and one of Wade’s big, soft hoodies.

Peter nodded and reached for his cosy blanket at the other side of the couch, grabbing the remote from the coffee table while sitting back.

By the time Wade retuned with two steaming mugs, Peter has already settled himself on the couch and chosen a movie.

Wade placed them both on the coffee table and pointed to the space next to Peter.

“May I?”

As an answer, Peter lifted his blanket as an invitation for Wade to sit next to him. Wade made himself comfortable and Peter scooted over, so that he was basically sitting in the other man’s lap.

They draped the blanket around them and started the movie, _Mrs Doubtfire_.

Peter felt himself dropping back in the state where he preferred not to talk.

But that was okay.

He had made a big step today, sharing all that information with Wade and now they could work their way up from there.

It was everything but a walk in the park, but Peter had the faith they could do it.

Sometime in the middle of the movie, Peter fell asleep and, from then, Wade spent more time watching him sleep rather than paying attention to the movie. He would literally do anything to protect his precious Petey-pie from any further hurt and now that Peter had fully let him into his life, he finally got the chance to.

With a little smile, he drew the blanket a bit higher around Peter’s shoulders and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

Yeah, now that he found Peter, he would definitely never leave this one ever in his life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and feel free to let me know what you think...
> 
> Have a great rest of your day/evening/night ^^

**Author's Note:**

> If you're struggling with those and/or similar things: I'm very proud of you for still being here and making your way; even if it's just day by day 
> 
> If you know someone who's struggling: please be patient with them, it's not easy to have to fight constantly against your own brain...
> 
> To everyone else: You're amazing as well! 
> 
> Thanks to Ten Danvers for beta-ing  
> As alway, let me know what you think and thanks for reading ^^


End file.
